Depression

I haven’t posted anything of substance in a great while because I suffering from depression and I have been in a bad cycle since October. Depression is something I have always struggled with and some days I can pull myself up a little higher and feel what I consider more normal. But right now that hasn’t happened. Right now everything is hard. Everything hurts. Each step, word, look causes questions to explode into a million thoughts etching themselves into my skin unwashable, unshakeable – unfortunately. I try to rub away at them trying to erase each one, but you know how when you try to erase chalk on a chalkboard, it smears into dust, but never is really clean or gone. That is what is going on with me right now.

I wish I would be normal. Where I could get up, go to a regular 9 to 5 job, make small talk, and move through the day like so many seem to do with ease. But I have battled this war forever. It is part of my chemical make-up. I can’t pretend it away. I learn to cope with it the best I can and do gentle self-care comforts that help me have a better quality of life living with this invisible illness.

(photo from when we were in Denver the end of February.)

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Grieving

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This photo was taken November 2, 2013. Michael and I went to a local event that might. A young woman sat down at our table and we were blessed to get to know her just a little bit as she was such a bright light. Tonight friends gathered to remember her. Going to miss that beautiful girl…her amazing spirit and radiant smile.

Michael and I have had several deaths around is lately. We are processing our grief and remembering dear people in our lives.

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Invite the Sacred

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September 1st: Invite the Sacred

One of the ways Flora Bowley suggested to invite the sacred was to set intention. I like trying to do that daily, but it isn’t something that is habit.  Often it is just subconscious intention set in the morning.  But today I set an intention mindfully as I have been feeling darkness so I decided I wanted to see light even if not within me at this moment- to see it around me. As soon as I set that intention I walked into the kitchen and a pattern of light was spilling across the counter.

 

darbycaseylight

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