Day 3 :: Best Day of 2015 :: I have had a rough year with depression. I have a million moments that I am grateful for, I have beautiful memories, and many days that gave me love and hope. But I can’t pick one. So instead I will be corny and mushy and say everyday with my amazing man is the best day. I am a lucky woman to share each day with him. #decemberreflections
I haven’t posted anything of substance in a great while because I suffering from depression and I have been in a bad cycle since October. Depression is something I have always struggled with and some days I can pull myself up a little higher and feel what I consider more normal. But right now that hasn’t happened. Right now everything is hard. Everything hurts. Each step, word, look causes questions to explode into a million thoughts etching themselves into my skin unwashable, unshakeable – unfortunately. I try to rub away at them trying to erase each one, but you know how when you try to erase chalk on a chalkboard, it smears into dust, but never is really clean or gone. That is what is going on with me right now.
I wish I would be normal. Where I could get up, go to a regular 9 to 5 job, make small talk, and move through the day like so many seem to do with ease. But I have battled this war forever. It is part of my chemical make-up. I can’t pretend it away. I learn to cope with it the best I can and do gentle self-care comforts that help me have a better quality of life living with this invisible illness.
(photo from when we were in Denver the end of February.)
I wrote that last summer. This summer, I have gotten help for my pain. I am even able to move around better and more than I have in several years. I had go to physical therapy, do exercises at home, and now have added in seeing a Chiropractor who is amazing. I can see why she has a waiting list to see her. Still have pain, but instead of the pain controlling my life, I am more in control of my life. That feels fabulous!
Yesterday and today’s prompt combined. Yesterday’s was rest and today’s is to getting back to my body and heart and getting out of my head. I have a cold starting and Michael and I are gearing up for our second California trip so I need to get healthy. So taking it easy.
Julie Cameron author of The Artist’s Way, which I read for the first time in the mid-90′, was the first time I was exposed to the concept of an Artist’s Date. I haven’t read The Artist’s Way for years, but it sits on my bookshelves as a book that had influence on my life as an artist.
I had grand ideas for when I first saw that prompt, but I wasn’t able to do an artist date out and about as I have had a migraine the last 2 days. So instead I took some me time, by staying in bed longer this morning. I read some of Voyager by Diana Gabaldon and then the little love in the photo came to get attention and pets from me. It ended up being just the kind of artist date I needed to help me through my migraine and on to other tasks and art time.